Gretchen Wilson – Greatest Hits

Who is Gretchen Wilson?  She apparently has enough of a music career that she can release a CD of “Greatest Hits” with 11 songs on it.  I have no idea how many of these songs were hits, or how great they are – the point of this column being that I’ve never heard this music–but let’s just take her at her word.  My main assumption is that she is probably a country artist.  This is gleaned more from the fact that I’ve never heard of her and she has an album of greatest hits on Sony, but note also the homey touches on this cover.  At first glance, it’s an arty, almost Joseph-Cornellesque assemblage (with a fairly hot, choker-wearing lady somewhere in her 30s – we’ll assume this is Wilson herself – standing off to the side).  But take a closer look, and you realize these rustic-looking elements scream Americana – and more Jeff Foxworthy Americana than Harry Smith Americana.  You’ve got your rusting satellite dish, your vinyl siding, your crooked mailbox letters . . . this cover is saying “I am arty” out of one side of its mouth, and “I shop at Wal-Mart” out of the other, which is a damn impressive achievement, if you think about it.

At the same time, though, it does have a certain “oh shit it’s deadline time and I need to get that Gretchen Wilson cover done; maybe I’ll just grab these photos and these letters I was gonna put on my mailbox and throw them on the scanner” kind of feel to it.  So which is it?  Intentional, artful, finely tuned rusticism, or pure half-assed bullshit?  YOU DECIDE.

Pearl – Little Immaculate White Fox

OK, I don’t want to be seen as harshing on the ladies here, but . . . what the hell is going on here?  This would strike me as a severe case of someone who surrendered all rights and decisions to The Suits and had this horrible album cover (and title, and pseudonym) foisted upon her . . . and yet, I scrolled down the Amazon page to see what mega-giant label was responsible for this visual atrocity, and all it says under “label” is “R.E.D. Distribution.”  I don’t want to look too far into this for fear of learning something about Pearl’s music, but suffice it to say that “R.E.D. Distribution” is no Sony/Universal/WEA.  So what gives?  So what is it?  Does Pearl really think this album cover is the best visual expression of her musical style?  Does she think this is the best way to get people excited enough to check out the music lying behind the cover?  Is she blind?  Or perhaps in a coma?

Anyway, on to the visuals, and what they intimate as far as what musical delights might be waiting for us behind this alluring cover.  As far as genre, I’m torn between down-and-dirty rap – with lyrics split fairly evenly between socially conscious, uplifting anthems and female-empowered sex jams – and kickass hard rock with a thoughtful edge to it: think Lita Ford meets Melissa Etheridge.

I know both of those theories have some contradictions embedded in them, and here’s why: The fonts, the words the fonts are saying, and Pearl’s outfit–what there is of it–all say one thing: Sexy badass.  (OK, that’s two things, but you know what I mean.)  But her face!  Take a minute to zoom in on that face, and really study it.  This is not a face to bring you Big Dumb Rock or Hot Sex Jams exclusively; this is a thoughtful face, a face you might see looking across a Starbucks counter at you and think “I wonder what her favorite book is?”  This face is sweet, serious, approachable yet inscrutable.

Oh yes, Pearl can rock you–Pearl will rock you–but after she rocks you, she will sit you down and talk about how it made you feel, and let you know that if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, she is there.