Do you have any idea how many hundreds of records are released each week? A shitload. A shitload of hundreds, which is a lot of goddamn records. Given that it’s hot and I just got back from vacation and it’s Friday and I have the attention span of a mosquito (which we’re not supposed to have here in Seattle, but which I’ve already been bitten by a few times – I don’t know if I like this brave, hot new world), I thought I would grab as many interesting covers from this week’s releases as possible and just plow through them. Brace yourselves!

Dirty Little Rabbits – Dirty Little Rabbits
Isn’t this already an LCD Soundsystem cover or something? I hereby pronounce a moratorium on disco balls on album covers

Indica – A Way Away

I know you’ve been crossing your fingers and holding your breath for the day The Craft and Sex and the City started a band together. Your wait is over!

Lo Borges – Lo Borges

As soon as I’m done writing this up I’m going to find out more about Lo Borges. I get the feeling this might be a reissue – something about the grainy photo and the vintage sneaks and the color balance. But it could just be a masterfully designed cover. Even if it’s old it’s really nicely done, but if it’s new it’s absolutely brilliant. Lo Borges, here I come!

No Justice – 2nd Avenue

This is wrong in every possible way something can be wrong. I guess it would be worse if there were a photo of a child being molested in there somewhere, but only barely. I am quite sure that this band is awful, though, so no harm done.

A Plea for Purging – The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Fucking right on. An impaled wolf’s head, gleaming in the sun, dripping blood on a clean white floor? These guys mean business, and have the art to prove it.

The Rescues – Let Loose the Horses

It didn’t take too long for someone to use the Holga iPhone app for their cover art. That said, this is quite nice and understated. I feel like I would probably like this band. I bet this CD makes good cooking dinner music.

Savatage – Edge of Thorns

I’m almost positive this is a reissue, as Savatage has at least one other album in among this week’s releases – and this band must be pretty old to be the first to lay claim to the name “Savatage,” since every high school boy ever has thought that would be an awesome band name. But holy shit, this is amazing. How have I never heard of these guys? I might not ever get around to listening to them, but I am heading out right now to buy a van so I can have this art airbrushed on the side.

Smash Palace – 7

No. No, no, no, no, no. What’s worse than comparing your band to The Beatles? I know! Raping the album art for Revolver and displaying the results for the whole world to see as your own album cover. That anyone anywhere thought this was a good idea makes me doubt any faith I might have had in humanity. Suffice it to say, they certainly deserve their place next to Smash Mouth in the record store bins.

Texas Hippie Coalition – Rollin’

Given that I write this column under my real name, I think I’m going to withhold comment on this one. Let’s just say these guys are a band, and they make music of some sort, and this is the cover of their album. Parents take note: explicit lyrics!

Thieves Like Us – Again and Again

I kind of like this, but I also like Miranda July and I see exactly what they’re trying to do here, so I feel somewhat manipulated. This cover screams “Safe, Quirky Indie Rock.” I imagine I will be hearing this band in a trailer for the next movie starring Ellen Page

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Trailer Choir – Tailgate
Get it? They’re White Trash! Get it? Come on, do ya? Hilarious!!!

Walter Trout – Common Ground
This is a really nice image, though I can’t help but feel a little bad for the guitar. (If this is photoshopped, then hats off to the designer.) I’m thinking earnest, rusted-out, somewhat bluesy sort-of rock. I would like to hear this record.

Richard Walters – The Animal

I don’t know if it’s the name Richard, the sparse design sensibilities, or the xlr cables as spaghetti (nice touch with the fork and spoon, by the way), but I definitely get kind of an Aphex Twin vibe from this one. I bet this is really good, or at least quite interesting.

Wide Awake – Picture Me Broken

This is so terrible it’s almost awesome. The fonts, the logo, the photo . . . the whole package is almost charmingly amateurish. These kids are obviously just goofing around and having fun, though – well, except for the singer (she’s gotta be the singer, right?). She’s really owning this “crawl toward the camera like a sexy rock maiden” moment, while her band mates are clearly channeling Bill and Ted. I’m sure this band is terrible, but they’re young and having fun and probably have ten times as many facebook friends as I do, so hey, rock on, guys.