For the past five years, Pete Bernhard has been touring with his punk-influenced string band The Devil Makes Three, and has learned many of these lessons the hard way. He spoke with Is Greater Than about what he wished he had known before heading out on the road the very first time.

What were some of your misconceptions about what touring would be like?  How does it differ from what you envisioned?

Touring turned out to be way more work than I anticipated and I had to learn to take care of myself in order to finish a tour and not feel like a walking corpse. I think movies like “Almost Famous” and other band movies have led people to believe that between partying in the limo and doing tons of coke you can always somehow find time to get laid by some a beautiful stranger and that’s what playing music is all about “man”. That has not been my experience but then again I may just be in the wrong band. If you’re going to be in a DIY situation you might as well put those kinds of things out of your mind for a while. I never thought touring would be easy but it is hard in ways I never thought it would be.

You can’t expect people to do everything for you. For example, the promotion ball often gets dropped. To be a touring musician with no backing you need to be a lot of things: a booking agent, a business person, promoter and a mediator all while performing and writing songs.

What tricks have you found to ensure band harmony while on the road?

The biggest and most important lesson lest we all end up like Metallica and get a group therapist (I’ll die first) is to communicate with your bandmates. If you can’t talk to them and you secretly hate them, trust me–its no secret in a cargo van. There are no secrets in such close quarters and the more you can be honest with everyone the longer you will last and the more fun you will have.

What are four things you wish somebody had told you before you went out on tour? What did you have to learn the hard way?

The first thing I wish I had known is that you don’t need to play clubs when no one knows who you are yet. Play house shows and have fun. Empty clubs kill band morale and just generally slowly suck the life from your soul. Even a bad house show is still just a party.

I wish someone had told me to listen to criticism and ask for some help along the way. Trying to do everything your self is a form of torture and sadly I didn’t know everything it turns out. Come to think of it I did hear this advice along the way and I didn’t listen, so there you have it.

I also could have used some advice about being honest concerning what you want out of the band or project. People usually have goals or limitations and the sooner you know this the easier it is for everyone. If the drummer wants to be a rock star but the lead singer wants to work at the comic book shop and live in his moms basement then maybe its not going to work out?

Last but not least, it is worth spending money to keep yourself sane. Always cutting corners and sleeping on the ground will catch up with you quick and end your tours before you finish the all the dates.

Truth be told, all of this was learned “the hard way”. We did everything wrong before learning to do it right and the main ingredient to making it work is not giving up.

What are the most useful/important things a band heading out on the road would need?

Money! Prepare to not make any and you will be happy if you do. On your first tour you will be lucky to make gas money and eat dry ramen noodles. Everyone in the DIY community seems to hate the mention of money but it really can be quite useful in a pinch.

Your van breaks down in bumfuck nowhere. How should you have planned  for this possibility and what’s the first thing you do?

This is where you can get out of the car and start screaming, crying and throwing around instruments and kicking inanimate objects to really show the world how hard your life is! I have tried this method and  seen others use it the outcome is always the same. It won’t change anything, everyone in attendance thinks you’re an asshole and you’re still stuck on the side of the road. God is not torturing you–god doesn’t care about you that much. Breaking down is just part of touring and having a reliable vehicle and a road side assistance plan (get AAA) to fall back on is all you can really hope for. Again skimping on your van is like moving into a cardboard box because it’s cheaper than your apartment. You have to live in the thing sometimes, so why not save up a bit more cash?

Any other bits of hard-earned wisdom?

The only other thing I can think to say to aspiring musicians is: don’t be a dick and people will like you more. It sounds so simple and yet some people never figure it out. If you show up when you are supposed to and treat the people putting on the show and doing the sound with respect they will want you back. People in the business are used to being treated like shit and will bark at you because the last bunch who came through may have made them sort through all the M&Ms so they could have only the green ones. If you don’t act that way. it’s better for everyone.

The name really does say it all. Bread pudding is literally a baked custard dish with chunks of stale bread, dried fruit and spices.  It’s history is not that dissimilar to mincemeat, originating as a filling and frugal way to use left over food.  Because of this, a traditional bread pudding recipe uses incredibly dry, stale bread, soaked overnight in a milk or egg batter, squeezed dry then baked with spices and fruit. But in these days of plastic bags and refrigerators I find myself more often with moist molding bread than dry stale bread, while as a food service worker with lots of friends working in cafes bakeries and restaurants, many different types of bread to boot.  I also have a very very small refrigerator.  So, a good bread pudding recipe for me needs to be flexible and quick without creating a stale sticky mess.  This is one I’ve developed and tested with multiple types of bread (including croissants and muffins) at various stages of staleness. Sweet and tender.

Ingredients:
2 cups of milk
¼ cup (1 stick) of melted butter
3/4 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 teaspoons of cinnamon
1 teaspoon of vanilla
4 cups of bread torn or cut into small pieces
½ cup of raisins

1.    Preheat Oven to 350 degrees F
2.    In a large bowl whisk together milk, butter, sugar, eggs cinnamon and vanilla (Fig 2).
3.    Add bread and soak until well absorbed (5-10 minutes depending on the bread) (Fig 3).
4.    Mix in raisins and add to a 9×5″ loaf pan.
5.    Bake at 350 degrees F until sizzling and golden (about 45 minutes) (Fig 4-5).
6.    Serve warm with milk or cold with a sweet syrup.

Mulled Wine: Warm and Spicy

Mulled wine is another frugal favorite of mine. Made in many countries by many different names, it is a very old tradition especially popular in winter. Invented to make bad wine drinkable (in this case, bad meaning cheap), it is the perfect inexpensive punch for any winter party, as well as an excellent after dinner drink.

Ingredients*:
1 gallon of cheap wine
2 c. orange juice
1 c. muscovado or dark brown sugar
1 thumb sized piece of ginger, sliced
6 whole cloves
4 long cinnamon sticks (about 6 inches each)
4 whole star anise
1 T. of whole black peppercorns
½ t. of cayenne pepper

1. In a large stock pot combine all ingredients and heat just below a simmer for at least 10 minutes.
2. Serve immediately from the pot, or in a Crock-pot on low as a warm party punch. Garnish with an orange slice.
* you can spike this recipe with a cup of vodka after heating if you want it a little stronger

View previous holiday recipes

Mincemeat pies have been made for nearly a thousand years, and yes, they did used to have meat in them.  They are among the first of many food items made popular by the heavy amount of spices used to make something probably very gross into something actually very palatable.  Like many old peasant recipes, mincemeat pies were valued for being flexible, filling, and long lasting.  They were traditionally made with any type or part of meat as a way of preserving meat without loads of salt or drying, instead using alcohol, vinegar, and spices.  Originally more meat than fruit and more of a main course than a dessert, over the years it has evolved into a dish more fruit than meat, more sweet than savory, making the journey from a preserved meat dish to a basic chutney.  In fact, most modern mincemeat recipes only use suet (beef fat) if they use any meat at all, and suet is easily substituted for vegetable shortening.  You should feel free to play with this recipe, using what you have at your disposal when it comes to the fruits, vinegars, and alcohols; however, keep in mind that in order for it to keep the traditional flavor of a true mincemeat, you should always include a vinegar, an alcohol, a shortning, nutmeg, cloves, and cinnamon.

Ingredients:

1 c. dried fruit, minced
1 c. raisins
4 c. apples, peeled, cored, diced
zest and juice of 1 orange
½ c. sugar
½ c. apple cider vinegar
1 c. apple jack, brandy, wine, or port
1 t. cinnamon
½ t. ginger
¼ t. nutmeg
pinch of cloves
¼ c. vegetable shortening (I use Crisco, which is the most like suet and has the least additives)

1. Choose a selection of your favorite dried fruits, mincing the larger fruits onto raisin sized pieces.  I use cranberries, dates, figs, and prunes.
2. Peel core and dice the apples (fig 2-3) into quarter inch pieces.
3. Combine all ingredients in a 4-quart heavy bottomed or non-stick pan.  Cook until apples disintegrate forming a saucy paste around the dried fruits (fig 4).
4. Serve warm with a meal or use as pie filling.  Mincemeat will last refrigerated for several months.  If you are experienced in canning, you can also can this recipe processing for 15 minutes in a waterbath canner.

BOOZE:

I recommend using swing top bottles (like old Grolsch bottles) if you have them, or mason jars, since they are usually easiest to find or most likely to be lying around your house.  If you are someone who brews beer, feel free to bottle them in any capable sterilized bottle.  You can sterilize bottles by adding 1 Tablespoon of bleach per gallon of water or Sanitabs if you have them available.  If you use bleach, rinse the containers thoroughly before using to avoid a chlorine taste.

Coquito (Puerto Rican Eggnog):
1 can of sweetened condensed milk
1 can of coconut milk
1 can of cream of coconut (not the same as creamed coconut, check the ingredients for sugar, there should be LOADS of it)
1 can of evaporated milk
1 egg
1 t. cinnamon
¼ t. nutmeg
1 t. vanilla
1½  c. Puerto Rican rum (i.e. Bacardi)

Blend all ingredients in a blender, pour into sterilized swing top bottles or Mason Jars, refrigerate until needed.  Any eggnog or coquito that contains more than 20% alcohol can be aged in a refrigerator if kept under 40 degrees Fahrenheit.  It is suggested you age it at least three weeks, but you can drink it right away or age it up to a year.  The alcohol reacts with the milk and egg proteins meaning the longer you age it, the better the texture and softer the taste of the alcohol.  Seriously, though, we have never complained while drinking young Coquito.

VEGAN VARIANT:
1 can of coconut milk
2 cans of cream of coconut
2 c. soymilk
1 T. cornstarch
1 t. cinnamon
¼ t. nutmeg
1 t. vanilla
1 ½ c. Puerto Rican rum

In a heavy bottomed saucepan heat the cornstarch and soymilk until thickened.  Remove from heat and blend together with remaining ingredients.  Pour into sterilized swing top bottles or Mason Jars and store in the refrigerator until needed.

Mulled Wine:
1 gallon of cheap wine
1 c. vodka
2 c. orange juice
1 c. muscovado or dark brown sugar
1 thumb sized piece of ginger, sliced
6 whole cloves
4 long cinnamon sticks (about 6 inches each)
4 whole star anise
1 T. of whole black peppercorns
½ t. of cayenne pepper

In a large stock pot combine all ingredients and heat just below a simmer for at least 10 minutes. Add vodka after removing from heat and bottle using sterilized swing top bottles or Mason Jars. If you jar this while hot you do not need to refrigerate. If this makes you uneasy feel free to refrigerate it until needed.

Mulled Cider:
1 gallon of unsweetened apple cider
2 c. bourbon
¼ c. muscovado or dark brown sugar
1 orange slice
6 whole cloves
4 long cinnamon sticks (about 6 inches each)
4 whole star anise
1 T. whole black peppercorns

In a large stock pot combine all ingredients and heat just below a simmer for at least 10 minutes. Add bourbon after removing from heat and bottle using sterilized swing top bottles or Mason Jars.  If you jar this while hot you do not need to refrigerate. If this makes you uneasy feel free to refrigerate it until needed.

TEA:

Lavender Tea Blend:
1 c. loose black tea (unflavored)
3 T. culinary grade lavender
1 T. rosehips
1 T. sweet orange

Combine ingredients in bowl and stir together.  Store in an air tight light-free container such as a tin, or in a plastic bag wrapped with paper.

Red Flower Tea Blend:
1 c. loose black tea (unflavored)
3 T. hibiscus blossoms
3 T. rosehips

Combine ingredients in bowl and stir together.  Store in an air tight light-free container such as a tin, or in a plastic bag wrapped with paper.

Bottled Chai Tea:
6 long cinnamon sticks
8 whole cloves
2 T. cardamom pods
¼ freshly cut ginger
2 T. whole black peppercorns
½ c. honey or to taste
1 c. black tea
1 gallon of water

In a large stock pot combine spices with water and honey and bring to a rolling boil for 5 minutes. Remove from heat and add tea.  Let steep another 5 minutes. Strain and bottle in swing top bottles or Mason Jars. Refrigerate until needed.

FOOD:

If you haven’t made fudge before, don’t be afraid, it is ridiculously easy and decadent enough that most people won’t make it for themselves. As with most recipes, the quality of your fudge relies heavily on the quality of your ingredients, in this case your chocolate.  Use high quality chocolate for good tasting fudge.

Dark Chocolate Fudge with Crystallized Ginger:
3 c. semisweet chocolate chips
1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 oz)
pinch of salt
1 c. chopped Crystallized Ginger
1 ½ t. vanilla extract

In a heavy saucepan, melt chocolate, sweetened condensed milk and salt over low heat stirring constantly.  Remove from heat and fold in chopped ginger and vanilla extract.  Pour into a foil or parchment lined 8″ square pan and spread evenly.  Chill until firm (about 2 hours).  Remove from pan (flipping it upside down and peeling back the foil or parchment), cut into squares and wrap portions well in wax paper.  Store at room temperature.

White Chocolate Fudge with Cranberries and Pistachios:
3 ½ c. white chocolate chips
1 can sweetened condensed milk (14 oz)
pinch of salt
½ c. dried sweetened cranberries
½ c. chopped unsalted pistachios

In a heavy saucepan, melt chocolate, sweetened condensed milk and salt over low heat stirring constantly.  Remove from heat and fold in chopped pistachios and cranberries.  Pour into a foil or parchment lined 8″ square pan and spread evenly.  Chill until firm (about 2 hours).  Remove from pan (flipping it upside down and peeling back the foil or parchment), cut into squares and wrap portions well in wax paper.  Store at room temperature.

Manjar:
1 can of sweetened condensed milk

If you are unfamiliar with the many names of milk caramel (dulce de leche), Manjar is the Chilean name given to this sugarbaby-like treat.  I learned how to make this at a very young age from my Papa’s family.  We use it on toast or on top of pieces of white cake like icing. Most people I know use it as an ice cream topping.  It is popular in many different cultures and made in a variety of ways with a variety of cooking times.  The easiest method is to boil a small can of sweetened condensed milk completely submerged in water for anywhere between an hour to 4 hours.  For a soft, lightly colored syrup boil the can for an hour, for stiff, dark-colored paste-like spread, boil close to 4.  Make sure you keep the can completely submerged in water or you risk a very sticky explosion.  You can boil as many cans as you like in one pot as long as they stay completely submerged, and if you use smaller cans you should cook them for a shorter amount of time, larger cans for a longer amount.  I recommend starting with 1 ½ hours and going from there.  To remove the can use tongs, dump into a sturdy sink, or just wait for the pot to get cool enough to remove them (this could take several hours).  Once the cans are cooled, you can apply your own decorative labels.

HOUSEHOLD:

Many health food stores (including chains like Whole Foods) have herb sections where you can buy essential oils and various different containers from tins to jars to bottles with spray tops.  Likely, wherever you find the essential oils to use for these recipes you will find containers you can use to package your gifts.  If not, ask a clerk in that section and they should be able to help you find something in your neighborhood.

Bath Salts:
Epsom Salts
essential Oils
jars, tins, or plastic bags

For every cup of bath salts add 10 drops of essential oil, mix in a large bowl before portioning.  Good quality oils are important, and I strongly recommend choosing a different fragrance over a different brand if you find the one you want is too expensive.  Vanilla and Sandalwood are often the most popular and most expensive, so try scents like Sweet Orange or Lavender instead.  For more complex recipes see this site.

Air Freshener:
1 c. distilled water
1 T. vodka or rubbing alcohol
10 drops of essential oil

bottle in a small, dark colored glass or aluminum spray bottles.

Glass Gem Magnets:
Glass gems
¼ inch strong magnets
magazine images
crazy glue or glue gun
Modge Podge or silicon glue

Cut out roughly circular images (a little smaller than the gems) from a magazine. Using modge podge or silicon glue, glue the images to the bottom of the glass gems and let them dry.  After they are completely dry, use a glue gun, crazy glue, or other industrial strength glue to apply the magnet to the back.  You can find glass gems at a floral shop, gaming shop, or craft supply store.  Make sure you buy clear unadorned gems, no shiny iridescent surfaces or they will obscure the image.  You can buy magnets at hardware stores, craft stores and some office supply shops.

Toy Magnets:
Small plastic toys
¼ inch strong magnets
glue gun or crazy glue

Go to a toy store or dollar store and pick out bags of small toys: plastic army men, plastic animals, floral arrangement birds, etc.  My favorites are rubber goldfish.  Using a hot glue gun or crazy glue, apply the magnet to the part you want to be the “backside”.  You might need to use wire cutters to trim off pieces of the toys that stop them from lying flat.

Maps and Pictures and Books on Tape:

The American Memory site run by The Library of Congress has a wealth of images. We spent months picking out maps and photographs to have printed for our family members this year.  Nearly all of them are copyright free, and while this project might seem quick and easy it’s surprisingly time consuming.  Here are a few quick tips:

1.     do your searches in the “gallery view” so you can quickly identify images vs. text or sound files.

2.     unless you have a converter, don’t bother with MrSID images, confine your picks to jpegs.

3.     make sure you adjust the file size to the DPI and image size you want to have printed before you take your file in

4.     search specific collections, such as Panoramic Photographs, Maps, Panoramic Maps, or Advertising

5.     check the copyright information, while most of them are public domain, some collections are not, and companies like Kinkos will refuse to print them if they suspect copyright infringement.

The Internet Archive, archive.org, is an excellent resource for books on tape.  While I’m generally not a fan of books on tape, tending to prefer the printed versions, I found myself completely entranced with the archives of public domain readings on this site.  There is everything from childlike readings of popular folk and fairytales, to authors reading their own works, to old radio programs.  So, even if you are not a fan of books on tape, chances are you have an Internet challenged loved one who does.  A great gift is a CD collection of various books on tape or old radio programs.  I recommend you start with these links:

Old Time Radio Programs

War of the Worlds, October 1938, Orson Welles

The Whistler

Dragnet

Or browse by subject

Audio Books for Children or Adults Who Act Like Them

Fairy Tales

Children’s Literature

Audio Book Classics

Charles Dickens

Joseph Conrad

Bronte Sisters

Jane Austin

Russian Classics

Edgar Allen Poe

Sun Tzu

General Philosophy

Audio Book Pulp

Edgar Rice Burroughs

Sherlock Holmes and other Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Jules Verne

Short Science Fiction Collection

Audio Book Cool Kids

William S. Burroughs

Allen Ginsberg

Jack Kerouac

e. e. cummings

T. S. Eliot

“Punk” Works

Last Minute Wrapping Paper:

Newspaper
Acrylic paint
Water

My housemate insisted I include my last minute giftwrap in this article because she thinks it’s adorable.  Make a mixture of white paint with a little bit of color and water.  You want it fairly runny or you will end up using a LOT of paint.  Find some old newspaper, preferably something with lots of images, and preferably not with totally depressing headlines… I mean, unless that’s your thing.  Laying it out flat in a stack, paint it quickly with watered down paint.  Hang it up to dry or lay it out flat in a place where animals or children won’t attack it.  You don’t have to use white paint, but I do because it washes out the print a little better and the pastel colors make the paper seem more cohesive.  Also, white paint is cheaper.

This doesn’t mean these holidays have to be a complete blowout. There are plenty of DIY gift ideas floating around there that can allow you to treat your loved ones without having to resort to any more toxic loans. And thanks for the wonders of the Internet–you are still paying those DSL bills, right?–just about anyone can whip up some homemade holiday cheer that has no resemblance to those itchy knitted sweaters your grandmother used to make.

The DIY movement has reached critical mass online in recent years, with tons of sites offering tutorials and inspiration for gift items as far-flung as screen-printed T’s and knitted iPod cozies. Here’s are some of the best:

Curbly should be your first stop if you want to enter the world of DIY gift-giving. An online community for both pro crafters and wannabes, the site is full of inspiring ideas alongside incredibly helpful video tutorials for items such as art-nouveau birdhouses and old books that have been repurposed into small works of wall art. The site offers a robust discussion forum where crafters trade tips and talk shop, and the overall ethos of the site favors finding economical solutions to grandiose visions.

If Curbly is your first stop, make Instructables your second. A veritable clearinghouse for craft tutorials, if you can’t find the perfect homemade gift here, you’re probably not sold on this whole DIY thing to begin with. The wealth of tutorials on the site–ranging from classy homemade lamps to USB memory sticks encased in Lego bricks–is mind-boggling, and a bit overwhelming. Since the tutorials are user-submitted, their quality can vary, but user ratings allow you to quickly find the best submitters to the site.

Both an online magazine and quarterly print digest, Make magazine is like a virtual Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory to nerdy DIY’ers, with a preference for projects that are technical and eccentric. You’ll find tricks to make bizarre and wonderful devices out of typical off-the-shelf items, and if you have the will (and a bit of technical or engineering prowess), the magazine is full of ideas that will make the face of the plugged-in iconoclast in your life glow. Word of warning: the projects in Make are rarely for the faint of heart, and the materials of choice may end up being pricier than an off-the-shelf gift.

More accessible than Make–in both tone and project difficulty–is its sister publication, Craft. Craft offers tons of tutorials for homemade knitted gear, ornaments and what have you. Keep the Bedazzler in the box, though–the overriding aesthetic of Craft’s projects is cutesy, hip and urban. The site’s updated-daily blog serves as a fount of idea inspiration, displaying the most impressive DIY projects from around the web, and the tutorials are sure to help those who suffer from fumbling finger syndrome. Unfortunately, a subscription is required to view the tutorials, but they are hard to beat for sheer thoroughness and user-friendliness.

Still can’t find inspiration? Try craft discussion forum Craftster, or head over to the Holiday DIY Gift Ideas Flickr Pool, which includes hundreds of photos of homemade gifts by members of the Flickr community. And if you just can’t bring yourself to pull out the glue gun, or are just impossibly clumsy, you can always fake it and head over to Etsy, an eBay for crafters, to find a slew of affordable gifts by DIY mavens gone pro.

Mashed Celeriac:

Keep in mind that one celeriac will comfortably feed 2-3 people depending on how large the servings are. You can easily multiply this recipe based on how many people you plan to feed and how much food you are already providing.

Ingredients:

1 celeriac or celery root

1 small clove of garlic

1 whole nutmeg or a pinch of ground nutmeg

cream, water, or anything in between

salt

Equipment:

Food processor

• Take one celeriac (fig. 1) and rinse it to remove any loose dirt
• Using a knife trim away any roots (fig. 2)
• With a vegetable peeler peel away the tough outer skin revealing the white inner flesh. Use a pairing knife to remove any difficult spots (fig. 3). Celeriac trimmings are a great addition to stock if you would like to save them for future use.
• Cut the celeriac into ½ inch pieces (fig. 4)
• Boil the celeriac in water until tender, as if they were potatoes (5-6 minutes)
• Strain the celeriac and add to the food processor with 1 small clove of garlic. If your garlic is large, cut off a small piece of it. As a garlic lover I know the temptation to add more, but trust me, too much will over power the mash and destroy the flavor of the Celeriac. You can always add more later, you can’t always take it back…
• Using a sharp pairing knife or zester, scrape a small amount of nutmeg over the celeriac. You want enough to equal a pinch. If you don’t have whole nutmeg, use a pinch of ground nutmeg instead.
• Salt to taste. You can add more later, and I recommend pushing this limit a bit. After you blend the celeriac you might find it seeming a little flavorless. Try adding more salt before anything else, the saltier it is the tastier it gets
• Add a dash of cream, milk, water, or your liquid of choice, and blend it until smooth stopping occasionally to add more liquid or to push the edges down. If you choose, you can use the water you boiled the celeriac in.
• Taste a small amount and adjust the garlic, nutmeg, and salt, as needed
• The blending and addition of cool liquids should make the celeriac about room temperature. I prefer to serve it warm, but some like it hot, some cold. Whatever your pleasure, spoon it into a dish and its ready to serve!